Introduction
Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can go through. When attending a shiva house, it is important to be respectful and sensitive to the grieving family. There are certain things that should not be said at a shiva house, as they can be hurtful or offensive.
What Not to Say
1. “I know how you feel.”
Even if you have experienced a similar loss, it is important to remember that everyone grieves differently. Saying “I know how you feel” can minimize the family’s experience and make them feel like you are not really listening.
2. “At least you have other children/grandchildren.”
This is a hurtful thing to say to a family who has lost a child. It is important to remember that every child is unique and irreplaceable.
3. “You’ll get over it in time.”
Grief is a process that takes time. It is not something that can be rushed or forgotten. Saying “you’ll get over it in time” can be dismissive of the family’s pain.
4. “You should be grateful for the time you had together.”
While it is true that it is important to be grateful for the time we have with our loved ones, it is also important to allow the family to grieve their loss. Saying “you should be grateful” can make them feel like they are not allowed to express their sadness.
5. “What are you going to do now?”
This is a question that can be very overwhelming for a grieving family. They may not know what the future holds, and they need time to process their loss.
6. “I’m here if you need anything.”
While it is good to offer your support, it is important to be specific about what you can do. Saying “I’m here if you need anything” can be vague and unhelpful.
7. “Please don’t cry.”
It is important to allow the family to express their grief in their own way. Crying is a natural and healthy way to process loss.
8. “You need to be strong.”
While it is important to be supportive, it is also important to allow the family to be vulnerable. Saying “you need to be strong” can put pressure on them to suppress their emotions.
What to Say Instead
Instead of saying the things listed above, try saying something like this:
- “I am so sorry for your loss.”
- “I am here to listen if you need to talk.”
- “Can I help you with anything?”
- “I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.”
- “Please let me know if there is anything I can do.”
Conclusion
It is important to be respectful and sensitive when attending a shiva house. By following these tips, you can help to create a supportive and comforting environment for the grieving family.
