Laughter is the best medicine, and a good monologue can provide an instant dose. When it comes to funny monologues for women, there are plenty of options to choose from. These scripts will have you laughing out loud, whether you’re reading them aloud or performing them on stage.
1. “The Audition” by Anne Beatts
In this monologue, an actress recounts her disastrous audition for a role in a soap opera. From her ridiculous outfit to her over-the-top performance, she provides a hilarious look at the ups and downs of the acting world.
“I walked into the audition room, and I could tell by the look on the casting director’s face that I was in trouble. I was wearing a sequined dress that I had found at a thrift store, and my hair was teased up to the heavens. I had practiced my monologue for hours, but as soon as I started to speak, I knew it was all going downhill. I tripped over my words, my voice cracked, and I even started to cry. By the time I finished, the casting director was rolling her eyes and barely trying to hide her laughter. I knew that I had blown it, but I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I walked out of the room.”
2. “The First Time” by Carrie Fisher
This monologue is a hilarious and heartwarming story about Carrie Fisher’s first time having sex. From her awkward fumbling to her hilarious mishaps, she provides a refreshingly honest and relatable take on a universal experience.
“It was my first time, and I was so nervous. I didn’t know what to expect, and I was afraid I was going to do something wrong. I had heard all these stories about men being rough and aggressive, so I was expecting the worst. But then, it happened. It was the most beautiful, wonderful, and amazing thing I had ever experienced. I felt like I was floating on clouds, and I knew that I would never be the same again.”
3. “The Breakup” by Tina Fey
In this monologue, Tina Fey delivers a laugh-out-loud account of her breakup with her boyfriend. From the ridiculous reasons he gave for ending the relationship to her hilarious coping mechanisms, she provides a witty and relatable take on the universal experience of heartbreak.
“He said that he wanted to break up because I was ‘too needy.’ I was like, ‘Dude, I’m not needy. I just want to spend time with you.’ But he was adamant. He said that he needed some space. So I gave him space. I gave him so much space that he ended up moving out of our apartment and into his parents’ basement. But that’s okay. I’m fine. I’m just going to eat this entire pint of ice cream and watch ‘The Notebook’ for the hundredth time.”
4. “The Job Interview” by Mindy Kaling
This monologue is a hilarious and relatable story about Mindy Kaling’s job interview for a writing position on “The Office.” From her awkward questions to her disastrous performance, she provides a witty and honest take on the often-daunting experience of interviewing for a dream job.
“I walked into the interview room, and I could tell by the look on the interviewer’s face that I was in trouble. I was wearing a suit that was too tight, and my hair was a mess. I had practiced my answers to the standard interview questions, but as soon as I started to speak, I knew it was all going downhill. I stumbled over my words, I said the wrong things, and I even started to sweat. By the time I finished, the interviewer was shaking her head and barely trying to hide her laughter. I knew that I had blown it, but I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I walked out of the room.”
5. “The Wedding Toast” by Amy Schumer
In this monologue, Amy Schumer delivers a hilarious and self-deprecating toast at her wedding. From her drunken exploits to her embarrassing moments, she provides a refreshingly honest and relatable take on the often-stressful experience of getting married.
“I’m so happy to be here today to celebrate the love of my life. I know that I’m not the most conventional bride, but I promise to make you laugh every day for the rest of our lives. I may not be the best cook or the neatest housekeeper, but I’m a pretty good dancer, and I’m always up for a good time. So let’s raise a glass to the future. May it be filled with love, laughter, and lots of drunken nights.”
6. “The Mom” by Ali Wong
In this monologue, Ali Wong delivers a hilarious and honest account of her experiences as a new mother. From the sleepless nights to the diaper blowouts, she provides a refreshingly honest and relatable take on the often-challenging but always rewarding experience of motherhood.
“Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. It’s like being a CEO, a chef, a nurse, and a teacher all rolled into one. But it’s also the most rewarding job in the world. I love my kids more than anything, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard. I mean, just the other day, I had to change a diaper that was so full, it looked like a small animal had exploded in my hands. But hey, that’s motherhood for you.”
7. “The Feminist” by Emma Watson
In this monologue, Emma Watson delivers a powerful and inspiring speech about the importance of feminism. She challenges the traditional stereotypes of women and calls for a more just and equal world.
“Feminism is not about hating men. It’s about giving women the same opportunities as men. It’s about fighting for women’s rights, and for a world where women are treated with respect. I believe that feminism is for everyone, and that we can all benefit from a more just and equal world.”
8. “The Immigrant” by Ilana Glazer
In this monologue, Ilana Glazer delivers a humorous and thought-provoking account of her experiences as an immigrant in America. She challenges the stereotypes of immigrants and calls for a more welcoming and inclusive society.
“I’m an immigrant, and I’m proud of it. I came to this country with nothing, and I’ve worked hard to build a better life for myself and my family. I’m grateful for the opportunities that America has given me, but I also know that there’s still a lot of work to be done. We need to create a more welcoming and inclusive society, where everyone feels like they belong.”
9. “The Black Woman” by Lupita Nyong’o
In this monologue, Lupita Nyong’o delivers a powerful and moving speech about the experiences of Black women in America. She challenges the stereotypes of Black women and celebrates their strength, resilience, and beauty.
“I am a Black woman, and I am proud of it. I am strong, I am resilient, and I am beautiful. I am not afraid to speak my mind, and I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. I am a Black woman, and I will not be silenced.”
10. “The Woman” by Michelle Obama
In this monologue, Michelle Obama delivers a powerful and inspiring speech about the importance of women’s leadership. She calls for women to take their rightful place in society and to use their voices to make a difference in the world.
“I am a woman, and I am proud of it. I am a woman of color, and I am proud of it. I am a woman who has faced discrimination and prejudice, and I am proud of it. I am a woman who has overcome adversity, and I am proud of it. I am a woman who has made a difference in the world, and I am proud of it. I am a woman, and I am here to stay.”
Conclusion
These are just a few of the many funny monologues for women that are available. Whether you’re looking for a laugh-out-loud script or a powerful and inspiring speech, you’re sure to find something to your liking. So grab a mic and get ready to make everyone laugh!