As adults, siblings are often expected to be close and supportive of each other. However, this is not always the case. In fact, a growing number of siblings are finding themselves estranged from each other.
Why Siblings Don’t Get Along
There are many reasons why siblings may not get along as adults. Some of the most common reasons include:
- Differing values and beliefs: As people grow up, they develop their own unique values and beliefs. This can lead to conflict with siblings who have different values and beliefs.
- Competition: Siblings often compete with each other for attention, resources, and approval. This competition can lead to resentment and conflict.
- Unresolved childhood issues: Unresolved childhood issues can also contribute to conflict between siblings as adults. For example, a sibling who was bullied by another sibling may still harbor resentment towards that sibling.
- Distance: When siblings live far apart, it can be difficult to maintain a close relationship. This can lead to estrangement over time.
The Effects of Sibling Estrangement
Sibling estrangement can have a negative impact on both the estranged siblings and their extended family. Some of the effects of sibling estrangement include:
- Emotional distress: Sibling estrangement can cause emotional distress for both the estranged siblings and their extended family. This distress can manifest itself in a variety of ways, such as anxiety, depression, and grief.
- Social isolation: Sibling estrangement can lead to social isolation for both the estranged siblings and their extended family. This is because siblings often provide emotional support and companionship to each other.
- Financial hardship: Sibling estrangement can also lead to financial hardship for both the estranged siblings and their extended family. This is because siblings often help each other out financially.
How to Improve Sibling Relationships
If you are struggling with a difficult relationship with a sibling, there are some things you can do to improve the situation. Some of these things include:
- Communicate openly and honestly: The first step to improving a sibling relationship is to communicate openly and honestly. This means expressing your feelings and needs to your sibling in a respectful way.
- Listen to your sibling’s perspective: It is also important to listen to your sibling’s perspective. This will help you to understand their point of view and to see the situation from their side.
- Be willing to compromise: In order to improve a sibling relationship, you may need to be willing to compromise. This means being willing to give and take in order to reach a mutually acceptable solution.
- Seek professional help: If you are unable to improve your sibling relationship on your own, you may want to seek professional help. A therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflict and to develop strategies for resolving them.
Strategies to Dealing with Difficult Siblings
Apart from the tips mentioned above, there are other strategies you can implement to deal with difficult siblings:
* Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your sibling. Let them know what behaviors you will and will not tolerate.
* Limit contact: If your sibling is causing you a lot of stress, you may need to limit contact with them. This could mean seeing them less often or not responding to their calls or texts.
* Focus on the positive: Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your sibling. This will help you to see them in a more positive light and to be more forgiving of their shortcomings.
* Be patient: Improving a sibling relationship takes time and effort. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see results immediately. Just keep working at it and eventually you will see progress.
How to Cope with Sibling Estrangement
If you are estranged from a sibling, there are some things you can do to cope with the situation. Some of these things include:
* Grieve the loss: It is important to grieve the loss of your relationship with your sibling. This means allowing yourself to feel the emotions that come with estrangement, such as sadness, anger, and grief.
* Seek support: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about your estrangement. This will help you to process your emotions and to develop coping mechanisms.
* Focus on the present: Dwelling on the past will only make it harder to move on. Instead, focus on the present and the things that you can control.
* Find joy in other relationships: There are other people in your life who care about you. Focus on these relationships and find joy in them.
* Be open to reconciliation: If your sibling is willing to reconcile, be open to it. However, don’t expect reconciliation to happen overnight. It takes time and effort to rebuild a relationship that has been broken.
Sibling Relationships in Adulthood: A New Paradigm
In the past, siblings were expected to be close and supportive of each other. However, this is no longer always the case. As people grow up, they develop their own unique identities and values. This can lead to conflict and estrangement between siblings.
Changing Nature of Sibling Relationships
According to a recent study by the Pew Research Center, the nature of sibling relationships is changing. The study found that:
* Siblings are less likely to live near each other. In 1985, 44% of siblings lived within 10 miles of each other. By 2015, that number had dropped to 32%.
* Siblings are less likely to talk to each other regularly. In 1985, 85% of siblings talked to each other at least once a week. By 2015, that number had dropped to 65%.
* Siblings are more likely to have different values and beliefs. The study found that siblings are more likely to disagree on a variety of issues, including politics, religion, and child-rearing.
These changes are likely due to a number of factors, including:
* Increased mobility: People are more likely to move away from their hometown for work or school. This can make it difficult to maintain close relationships with siblings who live far away.
* Increased individualism: People are more likely to focus on their own individual needs and goals. This can lead to less time and energy being devoted to sibling relationships.
* Changing family structures: The traditional family structure is changing. More people are living in blended families, stepfamilies, and single-parent homes. This can make it more difficult for siblings to develop close relationships.
The Impact of Sibling Relationships on Well-being
Sibling relationships can have a significant impact on well-being. Studies have shown that people who have close relationships with their siblings are more likely to be happy, healthy, and successful.
Benefits of Close Sibling Relationships
Some of the benefits of close sibling relationships include:
* Emotional support: Siblings can provide each other with emotional support during difficult times.
* Companionship: Siblings can provide each other with companionship and a sense of belonging.
* Help in times of need: Siblings can help each other out in times of need, such as when they need financial assistance or help with childcare.
Risks of Sibling Estrangement
Sibling estrangement can have a negative impact on well-being. Studies have shown that people who are estranged from their siblings are more likely to experience:
* Depression
* Anxiety
* Loneliness
* Social isolation
* Physical health problems
Ways to Improve Sibling Relationships
If you are looking to improve your relationship with a sibling, there are a few things you can do:
* Spend time together
According to a study by the University of Michigan, siblings who spend time together are more likely to have close relationships. Try to make an effort to see your sibling regularly, even if it is just for a short period of time.
* Communicate openly and honestly
Honest communication is essential for healthy relationships. Make sure you are communicating openly and honestly with your sibling about your feelings and needs.
* Be supportive
Be supportive of your sibling, both emotionally and practically. Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what.
* Forgive
Everyone makes mistakes. If your sibling has wronged you, try to forgive them. Holding on to anger and resentment will only damage your relationship.
* Seek professional help
If you are struggling to improve your relationship with your sibling, seek professional help. A therapist can help you to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflict and to develop strategies for resolving them.
Conclusion
Sibling relationships are complex and can change over time. However, it is important to remember that siblings are often the people who know us best and who can provide us with the most support. If you are struggling with a sibling relationship, don’t give up. There are things you can do to improve the situation.
With effort and time, you can build a strong and healthy relationship with your sibling.